Somehow, too many people I knew from high school started to follow my other Tumblr. How depressing. How did they even find me? Anyways, I am somewhat glad because I have told myself countless times that I want another, more personal blog, and now here I am!
The fact that I am honestly excited to have a new blog to write more about my life tells a lot about me. Well, I will probably be writing about my boyfriend mostly. He is my soul and life. I know most people on Tumblr do not believe in the words “forever” or “true love,” but I would be willing to bet my short-lived 20 year old life on us. Of course I have been hurt and have dated a lot of people, but when you know, you know and to me, It is as simple as that.
I guess I shall start by introducing the basics, where we met, all that jazz.
I had a boyfriend and first best friend whose name was Seth and who completely shattered my 7th grade heart by cheating on me. Logically, I decided to go to the movies with Seth’s entire travel baseball team while he was in Florida with his dad’s side of the family. That is where I met Alex. I had never spoken to him, only watched him play ball at the countless games I went to for Seth. He was a pitcher and had the most horrible temper and potty mouth, which I of course noticed and found attractive, even as a 7th grader I was attracted to the bad boys haha. Not to mention he was very tall. Back to the story… the movie was Disturbia, a scary movie, which I detest and cannot believe I went to see and somehow ended up sitting next to this tall, hot-shot pitcher. It was the best make-out session an almost 8th grader could experience. He was my 3rd “make-out” at this point in my life and by far the best.
We texted a few times after this, and me being completely smitten and obsessed, I most likely freaked him the hell out and never saw or talked to him again. Such a sad story.
Until he moved to MY school in 9th grade. Like I said Seth ans Alex played on a travel team together so Alex did not go to our school, let alone live in our county. I was shocked when I first saw him. So strange. He was even taller and had even bigger muscles than the 7th grade Alex. Usually I fantasize and romanticize things in my head, but he really was even better than I had imagined! I was too nervous to talk to him though.
The second week of high school I met an older guy in my first period class who I dated, lost my virginity to, fought with constantly, cried over, got cheated on by, and loved for the next 3-4 years of my life. I would date other guys in between breakups, but that wasn’t too often. This was a horrible, completely toxic relationship I could write an entire book about how to not experience high school, but do not want to really elaborate on this because this story is about the person that saved my life and not the one that ruined it.
All this while, Alex had met a girl, ironically, the same girl that my old boyfriend Seth cheated on me with, and had the same kind of relationship as me and the older guy. She would cheat on him and lie to him and tore his already fragile heart into a million shreds. And he just took it, remained faithful and smoked too much weed. (is there such thing though?)
Throughout those 4 high school years we had several classes together. The first one being junior year where we both had AP composition together. I was awestruck that A, he was smart, and B, more importantly, he was smart in literature. We occasionally caught each other starring at one another, which was quite a cute and fun game, but we both knew it was nothing. We were both facing whirlwinds of trouble and so many ups, and even more downs from our significant others.
In this AP class, peer editing was something we did quite often. I, for one, found this completely embarrassing that someone else’s eyes got to see my guts splattered on a piece paper, but this is how I started to develop my mini-crush on the person who I once kissed in middle school. Not only could this tall, beefy athlete write, he could write beautifully and passionately. Can you say swoon?
During this year was the real end of my most terrible boyfriend, but the beginning of another plane-jane relationship with a guy who I can still call one of my best friends. We just were not meant to be together, so it only lasted a short while until I got a different one in the spring who is another useless guy who still does nothing with his life.
One night I got a text from a random number while I was with useless boyfriend #3. It said, “I love you.” Of course the loser freaked out, and questioned me, and accused me, and the whole nine yards, but I really didn’t know who it was. I replied back asking who it was but there was no reply. I got home, went to bed, woke up with a reply that said “Sorry that was my friend. This is Alex.”
I was secretly thrilled, but only replied “it’s cool,” and didn’t receive another text.
School started again in August introducing my senior year. How exciting was the fist day of school when I found out that Alex was in my 2nd period? And how spectacular was it when I found out I had 5th period with him as well?! But as always the days went by and we had our own ridiculous relationships to deal with.
One night I got another text that said “I love you” and another “Sorry that was my friend.” It was so strange to me. I figured it was his psycho girlfriend trying to start stuff, so I just left it alone.
By spring we had this horrendous block schedule when we had to stay in our 2nd period for 5 hours while the juniors did their testing. And we just started talking, and talking and talking. We talked about our relationships with a smile and both pretended they were going great. We talked about everything. He told me he liked my butt and a laughed. He brought up the kiss in middle school and my hear sank because who on Earth would have thought he remembered? Then the class was over and I floated on air. As we walked, well I floated, out of the class, his girlfriend saw me talking with him and a quickly went the other way. He told her I was asking for drugs.
The next week we had another long class and at this point something else was surfacing about his horrible gf cheating on him, yet again, so things were on the rocks with them. And we talked and talked and talked and life was wonderful. And I started thinking of him more and more even while a still had shitty boyfriend #3.
School ended and I received a very long text from Alex saying how he thought I was so cool and how he liked me. I could not believe it. It must have been a joke, so I asked if it was. He replied “no it’s not and I’m sad you’d think it’d be a joke.” I was having a graduation party that and decided to invite Alex, even though my bf would be there. He graciously declined. The next night my shitty boyfriend #3 and I broke up for the millionth time. A few days later Alex and I were on our first date to Coldstone Creamery and both ordered smoothies.
We dated over the summer, but I wanted Alex to be single for a while. It was so confusing because I felt so strongly for him very quickly. We did everything together. We went to parties and concerts and and got high as fuck and he hung out with my family a lot, but I knew he needed time to heal. And he had already signed to play ball at a college on the complete other side of the state from the college I was going to attend.
Right before we left for school it was my 19th birthday. We threw a mini-party in my basement and we drank so much Patron and wine. That night he, while completely blacked out, told me he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend soon.
When the summer ended it was quite emotional. I knew the psycho girlfriend would be at school with him. But we were never completely a couple, so what could I do. We promised to Skype though.
And then he stopped talking to me. Suddenly and abruptly and it hurt so so badly. I had never been more hurt in my life. But why? I had boyfriends who I thought hung the moon, a guy who took my virginity, guys who cheated on me, and a grandmother that passed away and I swear that I cried less throughout all of those events combined. I was destroyed, shattered, and numb. I did not eat for two weeks. I felt dead inside.
So I experienced my first semester of college as a true freshman. I partied, a drank more than a raging alcoholic, did too many hard drugs, slept around, and met the first guy who I cared that wasn’t Alex (ironically his name was Alex too) right before winter break. And during that break I saw Alex at a party. He apologized and said he did not know how else to handle it, especially because his crazy girlfriend. We talked a little, fucked a lot then I left. It was strange. I knew he was still sort-of with her, but I had to accept it and move on. I guess having sex with him didn’t help but he is that one person every girl has who she cannot forget what he was like in bed. So I indulged.
I’d randomly get texts saying “don’t tell I talked to you.” All of this stuff that broke my heart in two even though I was trying to be invested in another guy. It was still so painful. He’d tell me he missed me and that he was sorry but I tried to play the supportive friend role again like I did senior year. He’d text me off his iPod so the crazy girl would not find out.
Alex then quit baseball and he was a new person. He finally had the freedom to go home on weekends and go out. He texted me and I was shocked that he was done playing. He said his grades were horrible and he is just so happy to be free. I told him to come see me and he actually did.
He drove across the state to stay in my dorm. He stayed for a week. We talked for hours, and cried together, we kissed so much, we drank and did drugs together like old times, we cuddled and we made love, and even made a porno haha. And he called the psycho and broke up with her. And it was amazing. I felt so special. He stayed for that week and it was the best week of my life. I knew it wasn’t time for us to be together though. I told him this time he as to experience being single. I told him he cannot hurt me again.
He left to go back school the day I left for spring break in PCB Florida, my first spring break. It was the craziest thing I’d ever experienced. I do not remember 99% of it which could explain me begging Alex to come down and play. And he did. And it was crazy as ever. I tried to get him to hook up with girls but he would not.
We decided to leave early, for reasons a sober brain could not fathom and went back to the hotel, stole money from a lot of people who left their rooms open, got into his car, and left, all after chugging alcohol and passing out on the beach for a good part of the day. I decided it was my turn to drive and was speeding when we got pulled over. We were both drinking on the ride back.
The cop asked to breathalyze and I agreed. And so did Alex. And we went to jail together for having open containers and speeding and cracked windshield and a DUI that I thankfully got out of. It was very bad. The car was towed and that was another $300 we had to pay for on top of bailing ourselves out of jail. To make a very long story short, he told his mom that he needed help, not just financially but that he had a problem with drugs. She sent money immediately, he bailed me out too and soon we were on the way back to my school where we met his mother and she immediately took him to a rehabilitation center.
We both got clean, well cleaner because everyone needs weed, and he continuously asked me out and a month later I said yes. And from there it is all history. I love him and always will. It is not your typical love story but it is ours. How we are now is possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is my rock, my reason for existence, my happiness, my everything. Never did I believe that it’d be possible to feel another person’s love in my deep in bones.
Alex is my best friend and so much more. It has been almost a year since he asked me to be his and I have only watched us both grow and prosper. We are both doing well in school and life is just wonderful. Obviously we have our ups and downs but our downs are comparable to the best days in other relationships. He is unlike anyone on this planet and is one of my kind. We share many of the same dreams and passions and I admire him to no end. He is my world, my universe, my galaxy, and something even bigger than that. I truly feel as though he is my soulmate and its just so hard to describe the type of connection we share. I wish I could put this in a better light, but It is truly so hard.
It’s strange how people come in and out of your life and it is even crazier who ends up there permanently. I cannot believe Alex is mine and I cannot believe where my life has taken me and us. We both motivate each other to succeed and do better. He is so good to me that it does not seem real. I cook and he does dishes, and he does a lot of the laundry and he makes the drinks and packs the bowls, gravs, and bongs. He tells me stories until I fall asleep as he plays with my hair. He like to hold my hand and loves to show me off. He makes me feel like the most special girl in the world.
I cannot predict the future but the one thing I am completely certain of is him. I simply cannot see my life without him in it. I honestly believe I am the luckiest girl in the world.
And Seth is now gay. And the psycho is still a psycho who moved back home. And now Alex and I both attend the same school and live together. And now I completely live by the rule of Karma. And alex is mine. And I have never been more thankful for anything in my life.
So essentially, this is a blog dedicated to him. Just a small way for me to express my love to my soulmate and put it out on display for the interweb world to see, anonymously, of course.